holiday shopping

We did the bulk of our holiday shopping and wrapping over the last two days. With me being so sick, we couldn't get a head start. We decided it would be best to do it during the daytime, during the week while I was on break so we could avoid weekend mall traffic.

I'm exhausted, and I hurt. It was really, really hard. I've never liked the holidays much anyway (at least not since I was a little kid,) but this was ridiculously stressful. Also, I'm really having to deal with last year's goodbye visit with my aunt. I'm still struggling with that. I know my mom is going to have a tough time with it too.

I feel like I've lost 20 IQ points in the last 2 months. I can't seem to get my head screwed on straight, and I'm not as articulate as I was before. I forget things all the time, and I get confused so easily.

Matt got me a Nintendo DSi and a ton of games. That should keep me good and busy while I recover. He's so thoughtful. Kaiser called me today, and made my appointment to see the neurosurgeon in one week. I'm stunned at how fast this is all moving. When I had that cyst burst a few years ago and they thought it was breast cancer, it took six WEEKS to get an appointment! I can't figure out if it's that Kaiser is really efficient, if no one wants appointments until after the holidays, or if they're in a hurry to do the surgery. We'll see, I guess.

I've put on a lot of weight since I first got really sick in October. I've started working out with Matt, and walking as much as I can handle. I'm trying not to overdo it, but I want to stay mobile. All the websites say to stay lean; that it helps with staying physically comfortable. I also have this terrible feeling that if I don't keep moving, I'm going to permanently ossify into a solid mass. Taliesin has been working out with us. It really encourages me, and keeps me from wussing out. I found a good, fat-hiding dress thingy today that I can wear with leggings. Anything with a structured waistband puts too much pressure on my hips, and makes them hurt so badly that it's difficult to walk.

Also in the plus column, the never-healing wound on my nose that I've had for 2 months seems to finally be healing up. I have a GIANT scar- an 1/8th inch diameter HOLE in my nose. All from a stupid zit at the wrong time.

I think when my scar on the back of my head and neck heals up I want to get a big zipper pull tattooed at the base. My aunt Susan had a star done over her chemo/radiation shunt scar, and I really liked the idea of that. I won a haircut at the Side Show Sirens silent auction, so I think I'll use that to get my hair "fixed" after they shave me for surgery. I've seen post-op photos of everything from a shaved stripe that looked like a reverse mohawk to the entire back of the head shaved, so it will be nice to be able to get a cut that will grow out well and work with whatever I end up with. I usually trim my own hair, getting a "shape" once in a while so I have something to work with.

I got an email from the Bravo awards today. The ceremony is on March 3rd. That means that if I get my ideal surgery date, I'll only have 2.5 weeks recovery if I win. Matt says he'll wheel me up on stage in a wheel chair if necessary. I don't think that will be a problem- I'll be outright stunned if I even make it to finals.